


Better Together

by Imagines_Dreams



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor's self-doubt, F/M, angst then fluff, drug mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 23:43:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17032185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagines_Dreams/pseuds/Imagines_Dreams
Summary: Your boyfriend was pulled from school to attend a family reunion. However, when he came back, he was being distant. It happened before, but you knew you had to do something.





	Better Together

Connor had been pulled out of school for some family reunion He returned a few days before. He still wasn’t at school. You texted him good morning and he responded casually, but since then, he didn’t text you back. You checked your phone again. No notifications. You tapped your pencil against your notebook, your inspiration clouded with worry for your best friend. Boyfriend.

Heat filled your cheeks. A few weeks before, you had kissed Connor. After that kiss ended, you kissed him again, and he kissed you back. You threw your head back and smiled a little at the memory.

Then, you frowned. So what was going on with him? You checked your phone again. Still no notifications.

“No phones, please!”

You raised your hand. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

The teacher nodded.

You grabbed your backpack and were at the door when the teacher interrupted, “Why do you need your backpack?”

“Girl things.”

The teacher nodded.

You flashed a smile at him and rushed out. You texted Connor. Youre not responding so im assuming that youre in trouble. You waited a few minutes after you walked out of the school. You checked your phone again. Connor still hadn’t replied. You texted again. Im worried about you. Pls tell me where you are.

He still didn’t reply.

You grimaced. Please, Superman, im really worried and not responding wont make me worry less.

He replied immediately. My house

You beamed and ran the rest of the way. On my way.

You were thankful the gate at the side of the house was open. You looked around. You have snuck into the Murphy house many times but that was when Connor was had prepared something beforehand for you to climb on. But, Connor was in no state to prepare anything. You grimaced. You should’ve ditched sooner.

You stared at the broken brick wall next to you. The Murphy’s never maintained the sides of the house. They weren’t used for parties.

You grinned and took apart the wall some more. It wasn’t that hard. You stood on top of the broken brick wall. You tested it out, and it seemed stable enough.

Connor’s window was open.

“Oh, Superman,” you whispered, “if I get hurt doing this, you better help me out afterward.” You got yourself to the higher part of the wall and jumped.

You missed.

You hissed in pain as your scraped leg. You reminded yourself to fix it later. After Connor was ok.

You tried again, and you got to the windowsill.

You pulled yourself up.

Connor’s back was pressed against his door as he blew out rings of smoke. His eyes were red. He hadn’t changed clothes since the last time you saw, four days ago. 

You waved the smoke out of your eyes. “Superman?”

He stared at you blankly. “You should be at school.”

“So should you.”

You stepped over his laundry and discarded books to sit next to him. You leaned your head against the door. You closed your eyes as the smoke burned your eyes. You coughed. “Need anything?”

He laughed bitterly. “Fuck off.”

You blinked. So, it was going to be like that. Well, you’ve seen Connor on worse days. You pulled your knees to your chest. “Sorry, Superman. Not going anywhere.”

“Are you trying to mock me with that?” he asked bitterly.

You held your breath. Ok, so no explosive anger, but calm, cold, distant anger. You could deal with that. If he could deal with your quirks, you would deal with his quirks. And maybe with enough luck and understanding, you could help him with his demons. You took a deep breath. “Mock you? I’d never do that.” You picked at your nails. You had to stay strong. No matter what he said.

“I’m no Superman. I don’t get why you keep calling me that,” he snarled.

“Because you are my Su-”

He laughed. “Saying it more times does not make the lie true. You’re just living in some fucked up fantasy where I can actually take care of you!”

“You can take care of me, Connor, and that’s what so great.” You smiled at him. You reached out to touch his hand, but you remembered that sometimes touch could lead to worse things. You hugged yourself. “I want to take care of you, too.”

He shook his head. “So much shit comes from your mouth. You know that?” He scoffed. “You actually believe this” -he gestured to the smoke and himself- “can take care of you. The way you deserve?”

“I don’t deserve anything from you, Connor.” You gazed at him, but his eyes were still staring at the opposite wall. You gulped. “But, I want to be with you. Is this what this is about?” You shuddered as you inhaled. “What did the do? What happened over-”

“Shut up.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it-”

“I said shut up!” He covered his ears. “Why do you love telling lies, huh?” Your boyfriend stood up and towered over you.

You locked eyes with him, even though tears were already welling up in your eyes. You had to stay strong. Connor didn’t mean what he said. He was just worried and scared, and that’s how he expressed it. “I don’t lie to you, Connor,” you murmured, but his voice overpowered yours. “All you do is lie and lie about everything!” He smiled so coldly, it was hard to believe that those lips kissed yours so lovingly.

You blinked a few times and mentally prepared yourself for what was to come. Connor didn’t mean it. He was terrified, and that was how he protected himself. It had worked before. His parents. His sister. He wanted to protect himself from heartbreak.

“It doesn’t even make sense at times. I mean, why would you call yourself a freak when that’s the worst word to describe yourself? Why would you say that I’m the best thing that happened to you when it’s not true? Why would you suffer through my torment when no sane person would?” he screamed.

“Because I care about you, Connor!” You stood up. “Don’t you dare call me a liar when I would never lie to the person I care about the most!” With sadness ripping through your chest, you continued to argue your point. “You are the best thing that happened to me, because you help me carry my burdens without question. You genuinely care about what I do, and I want to be a better person because of you!” You took a deep breath and shook your head. “Connor, seeing you like this tears me apart. Please, let me help you.”

Connor looked at you with pursed lips and red eyes. Emotions flashed across his face so fast, you couldn’t catch all of them. But, the main ones were anger, then pain, then despair. Connor cried. He stepped away from you, covered his mouth, and looked away from you.

“Connor,” you whispered. You reached out tentatively. When he didn’t rip your hand off his shoulder, you hugged him from behind and rested your head against his trembling back. “It’s ok.” you snuggled into him. His clothes still reeked, but the feeling of relief of being near him again more than made up for it. “I’m ok. You’re ok.”

“I keep hurting you.”

You bit your lip. He wasn’t wrong. You did get hurt. “We’ll work on it.” You smiled and pressed a kiss against his back. “We’re going to get better at this. I promise, Connor.”

Finally, your boyfriend placed a hand on your arm. He turned around and let you hug him.

You rested your chin on his chest and smiled up at him with dried tears on your cheeks. You reached out and brushed the hair away from his eyes. “We can help each other get better, ok?” You smiled. “I want to us to be better.”

Connor shook his head. “I don’t deserve you.”

You frowned. “Why do you keep telling me lies?” You laughed. “Even if you don’t deserve me, I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?”

“More than you’ll ever know.”

You kissed his cheek. “Then, work with me. We’ll become better together.”

He rubbed your cheeks and kissed you deeply.

You gasped against his lips. You smiled and closed your eyes. You grabbed the hair by the nape of his neck. His hand found your other one and intertwined your fingers. You smiled against his lips and held his hand, rubbing patterns in his skin. You pulled his hand to your side.

Connor let go of your hand to pull you closer to him. You pulled away from him slightly. You peppered kisses on his cheeks, chin, and down his neck. Your fingers were tangled in his hair, and your chest was pressed against his.

All you could feel was him, Connor Murphy. His scent, a mix of weed and sweat and old books, filled your nose. Not the most pleasant smell, you’d admit, but it was Connor. It was the person you cared for the most, and the scent calmed you in a way. It meant he was with you. His touch was everywhere. He wanted you just as much as you did, and that was the only way to get joy to bubble you up so much. Tears wet your face, but you weren’t sure if it was Connor’s or yours.

Finally, he pulled away, his hands still on your hips. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he whispered.

You smiled. “Then promise me. Better together?”

He nodded and let his forehead rest against yours. “Better together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Connor needs a hug. He deserves a hug. Since I can't possibly give him a hug, I guess reader-inserts will have to do!
> 
> If you like what I wrote, please consider commenting to tell me what you think! Thank you so much, readers, and have a wonderful day!


End file.
